Less Motivation. Just More Waiting.

I've kinda talked about this before. I know. But cant help being repetitive at times. Especially when you feel strongly about something and your mind keeps circling back to it. And reiterating the same tirade. 

Have been Trynna Get myself motivated for a while now.

Overcoming this Listless feeling has been a trial.

At times I try and I know that I don't try enough.

But I hope that can change soon. 

Each day I'm consciously aware of seconds passing by, of unproductive hours that I've spent and won't get back.

Part of you wants to not care. To not have to care. To not want to worry. To not be concerned or in the least bit bothered by the trajectory your life has taken.

Part of you doesn't want to change anything as long as you don't have to struggle. Your needs are met for the present. So why aspire for anything more when you have everything you need. At least for now. And Im aware it's not a praiseworthy attitude. It's pathetic.  and selfish.

Yet Part of you asks yourself is it really important to dream?

The root of it all lies in your lack of orientation. You feel this way coz you re Not really finding value in what you do. Or what you think you want to do.  You re just convinced that you should do something. So you do a bunch of somethings. 

Why? Coz you fear regret. 

You fear a day you'll look back at all the days and days of nothingness that preceeded it. So you figure it's best to occupy yourself with something. 

The truth is, you ll only be truly ready to get things done and happy with what you've accomplished - when the need to pursue a Dream surpasses your fear of regret. 

When you feel a burst of energy and you know where you wanna channel it. That's what ignites drive. 

Because then you aren't motivated by a fear of regret or held back by a fear of failure. You re not ticking off items from your bucket list of stuff you wanna do by Age X if you re fortunate enough to get there. 

You re motivated by something stronger. You re motivated by the joy of pursuit. By the exhilaration that comes with doing something you know you love. To the point that results don't really matter. Because it's the effort takes precedence. And that's what really matters.