Musings on Memory

 I have been thinking lately about how deceptive and elusive memory can be. There are things in the past that have happened a long time ago and yet I still remember them vividly, with such depth and clarity almost as if it was yesterday.I remember the little gestures and the exact order of the words spoken, the tone in which they were said, the events that ensued as they were uttered. And then there are things that might have happened fairly recently and yet the only way i can recall them is in the most vague sense.

There are long stretches of time of my relatively short life that are completely blank in my mind. I can barely remember what I was doing at the time. What my main preoccupation was. What the overall nature of my experiences were, What the state of my mind was. and these are actually those subjective things that you actually do remember. Not the external details. but the internal monologue that reflects the way you felt about those things that have happened. 

I don't have the slightest clue why I made certain choices. or chose to say certain things to certain people. And right now my way of thinking is the farthest from the way I used to think. But in some matters I remain unchanged. Those deeply rooted obsessions, those interests, the ones that didnt disappear with time-I guess those are the things that make a person who they are. SO I suppose in a way you do change, Or you can change. 

But the things that make you who you are, aren't your collective experiences, but the ones that you're unable to let go. The things you feel attached to emotionally, whether in a good way or bad,those things stay long enough to become a part of your story. And the day you're able to let go of them, that's what changes you.